Unpopular Thoughts for Your Current Doomscape

Oh my loves.

We are in A TIME, are we not?

There are things aswirl around us that are making most of us feel rather untethered. Which, all things considered, is probably the most appropriate response. We have heard and seen some scary things and that is not a good feeling. Here are some reflections from your Friendly Neighborhood Trauma Healing Coach. Just to help you keep swimming.

Hey, is this anxiety?

My colleague Rachel is super smart and she mentioned last week that if you aren’t lucky enough to have a clinical diagnosis (like me! *mwah, dahling), or if you didn’t grow up in an environment where such things were discussed on the regular, you might not be aware that some of the things you are feeling may be very recognizable and semi-standard presentations of anxiety. This is not to say that everyone experiences the Big A in the same way, and is not in any way an attempt to minimize what you’re feeling (or not feeling). [Here’s also a reminder that I’m not a therapist and nothing I say should be considered a substitute for the care of a mental health provider.] But in case it helps, here are some handy facts from the World Health Organization:

• trouble concentrating or making decisions

• feeling irritable, tense or restless

• experiencing nausea or abdominal distress

• having heart palpitations

• sweating, trembling or shaking

• trouble sleeping

• having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom.

  Does that help at all?

  They also have this cute little list of self-care practices which I feel is important to share with you:

• avoid or cut down on alcohol and don’t use illicit drugs, which can make anxiety worse;

• exercise regularly, even if it’s just a short walk;

• stick to regular eating and sleeping habits as much as possible and eat a healthy diet;

• learn relaxation techniques, such as slow breathing and progressive muscle relaxation; and

• develop the habit of mindfulness meditation, even if it’s just a few minutes per day.

See what I mean? It’s cute, right? And in a dream world where I never felt anxious I would do all of these things.

So what are we to make of all of this in this scary time, when we don’t know what will happen but have been given a lot of information about a lot of terrible things that maybe COULD happen if x is followed by y which is followed by z and so on and so forth until our collective demise. And I do not mean to make light of the very real consequences of this very important time.

HOWEVER.

None of those things are actually happening yet.

Continuing to consume media about what Might Maybe Could Eventually Happen If might also be making things a little hard on sweet and tender you. It’s really easy to think that Ragnarok is already upon us* (you will get used to the nerdy Marvel Movie references, I promise), but actually, at this moment, there’s not much that we know for certain. This is a little bit of why we’re so uncomfortable. Even for people who have been phone banking and knocking on doors and mailing postcards and all of that beautiful stuff can’t know for sure what impact it is having. We kind of won’t know anything for certain for a while, and humans don’t like this. We like to know what we’re dealing with so we can make our plans and figure out what to do next.

But in the meantime, we keep on reading and devouring super scary reports of things that might maybe could potentially possibly and even probably happen and these SCARE THE BEJAYZUS OUT OF US. Because, my darling loves, they are designed to.

In a world of consumable media everywhere you turn, stuff on the internet gets your attention by being really scary. “Who said WHAT NOW?” “What on earth is THAT horrible thing?” “OH LORD I DIDN’T THINK OF THAT!!!!!”

So here’s the really unpopular part:

you could decide to not consume any more media until the results come in and you would probably be just fine.

I know what you’re thinking! Privilege! Privilege! You can’t just bury your head in the sand!

I promise you that there is no sand in my head, and I will always acknowledge that I am a person with several layers of unearned privilege but FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR BRAIN just hang with me for a little bit longer.

I know things about the world and about American politics. I am VERY PARTICULAR about my sources of information. True, I have not voluntarily watched network news since 2012 (I had to look it up, and it’s a story for another time), but I have a carefully curated stream of information that comes to me from sources I care about: activists who are fighting for the things I believe in, like social justice, humanitarian causes, Indigenous sovereignty, disability rights, fat liberation, and the LGBTQIA community that I love so dearly. When these people, whose work and life energy are at the very heart of the things that I hold sacred, tell me things, I listen to them. One of the major MAJOR major values of this is that most activists who are deep deep deep in the work of dismantling the harmful systems of oppression have seen it all, my loves. And they know that these fights are loooooooooooooooooooong fights. Not in a hopeless or depressive way, but in a way that conveys to me, a privileged white lady who is trying to learn to ally well, that my allyship and advocacy must be sustainable and for a lifetime.

Because these folks do this work and know the needs of the communities they fight for, they also have a level of clarity, a depth of knowledge, an awareness of the interconnectedness and intersectionality of justice work, and a demonstrable lack of panic that helps me to think and respond and hold strong when the fires are raging.

So that’s the really unpopular part. Do with that what you will.

Here’s some easier things that are just as real:

• Can you get near some animals? If you don’t have pets, can you go see a friend or neighbor who does?

• Share a meal. Human connection is survival fuel.

• Spend some time outside. Even better if there’s water near you or you can get to some.

• For the love of all things holy, please try SO SO HARD to be just a little bit nice to yourself. It’s 100,000% okay if you feel like shit, or if you are feeling mostly okay, or if you are feeling not much of anything at all. One of the things I hold most dear from my trauma training is that, as human organisms, we are amazingly good at finding ways to survive. And this is something we should celebrate. CELEBRATE! Your brain and body are doing stuff to protect you, so don’t yell at it. It is doing everything it can for you. Move it gently if you can because it also holds onto stuff and it’s better if you can get some of the gunk in motion so it will leave you.

• Good lord, put that goddamn phone down. Hide it from yourself if you have to.

I LOVE YOU.