If You Have Ever Been Wounded by Your Voice Studies
Dear Heart,
I am sorry.
I am sorry that you summoned your courage and took a risk and instead of being supported and nurtured and challenged in just the right ways you were hurt. You may not have even realized at the time that what you were doing was brave, but in fact, it takes courage and it takes a special kind of trust to listen to that stirring coming from within you and say yes to it. Just walking in the door for some of us is an act of defiance, or of claiming a step on a wholly unfamiliar path. Often our families don’t understand, our friends don’t understand. It’s hard to make small talk at parties because people either think that what you care about is so odd that they can’t discuss it, or they treat you like a zoo creature and ask all sorts of uncomfortable questions as though you have transcended the plane of human existence and are now some sort of otherworldly being because you answered this call to creativity, this call from your deepest and truest self. Of course the truth is that you indeed have transcended that plane just by saying yes, but so can and so should everyone.
Just entering into this contract with yourself to explore this passion and this curiosity should be celebrated and honored. And in the world I hope we are creating, teachers will begin there, celebrating with you.
If your choice was not applauded and honored by you and your teacher, I am sorry.
If, along the way, you got frustrated and stuck and felt like you couldn’t tell the truth about that, I’m sorry. The truth is that everyone gets stuck and frustrated. And it doesn’t make you a failure and it doesn’t mean that you are pursuing the wrong thing, and it doesn’t mean that you’re not smart enough to make it work. The truth is that this makes you completely human. No learning is linear. We all encounter challenges. And if you didn’t feel safe enough to express your feelings, I’m sorry. Or if you did express your feelings and your doubts and you were met with cruelty or disdain, I’m sorry. In the world I hope we are creating, creative explorers will talk more openly about the pursuit of their goals and be able to share the triumphs AND the frustrations. Any artist who tells you it’s all easy is not being honest. Or is not producing art authentically. In the world I hope we are creating, teachers (who are also artists) will recognize your struggles and always begin by reminding you that you are not alone. As long as humans have been creating art (just since the dawn of our existence), we have struggled with believing that the things we do matter, that our perspective is unique and useful, that we are creating something worthwhile. The truth is that it is worthwhile simply because you are doing it. To quote Martha Graham’s beautiful letter to Agnes de Mille, “It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable it is nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly. Keep the channel open.”
If, along the way, you lost sight of your deeper WHY, I am sorry. This is your anchor. This is that moment when you felt that there was some magic here, some deep, resounding YES from within yourself that pointed you in the direction of using your voice with skill and with purpose. Pursuing art is always challenging, and requires us to dig deep within for all of the strength, all of the focus, all of the determination we possess. This is not easy work, and without an ongoing relationship with that big WHY, it will feel empty. It will feel too hard, too overwhelming, like driving along a dark road in the middle of nowhere with no map and no lights and no way of knowing if you are even making the slightest progress of any kind.
If you tried to pursue this path because you thought it would bring you a lot of fame, or easy money, or a very simple life, I am sorry. Those are lies. And many of us believed them readily because we wanted to feel like we were special, that there was something charmed and blessed about us, and that we would be the ones to be magically plucked out of obscurity to win countless awards and contracts, and we would jet set around the world and be celebrated everywhere we went and life would be full of all manner of delights beyond measure. Of course the truth is that you are extraordinarily special, just like every other human being who has existed since time began. The fact that this fairy tale did not unfold before you is not an indication of your failing or of your mundane nature. The fact that this fairy tale did not unfold before you is because it is fiction. Even the people you see with robust international careers are human beings. They get hungry, and lonely, and sometimes they grow frustrated with themselves, or run out of clean laundry. Those parts never get into the magazine articles or interviews.
If you think that having a full-time, international performing career is the only way that your singing is worthwhile, I am sorry. The truth is that even if your singing only occurs in your kitchen, or your shower, or to your babies, that it is a gift to the universe because it comes from your unbounded spirit. And even if it never earns you a dime, your singing matters because something within you wants to sing. And honoring those messages from your spirit is a sacred contract that leads you to your deepest, most fulfilling, most satisfying life. It is perhaps the most noble thing you can do for the good of the people around you and the good of humanity. When you live into the truest expression of yourself, you give others permission to do the same. And in that way, your life takes on immense significance.
If anyone ever told you that you were too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too odd, too boring, too loud, too soft, too anything: I am sorry. The truth is that these are the limitations of other people’s imaginations and have absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever. The truth is that you are glorious beyond all imagining, exactly as you are right now, and you always have been. You are gorgeous, you are talented, you are radiant. Exactly as you are. And no matter the current state of your instrument or the development of your technique. You matter, your point of view matters, your singing matters, regardless of the color of your dress or the expression of your gender or the color of your hair or your age or your tattoos or any other external criteria. The fact that you are brave enough to sing and to try and create something beautiful in the world is brave and beautiful and meaningful. Your body is simply a vessel for all of that magnificence.
In short, we need you. The world is so hungry for depth, for truth, for meaning, and your bravery and your commitment are of the utmost importance. Your offering does not have to be perfect, and of course the secret is that it never will be and never even could be. Perfection is not a worthwhile goal. It is a false target. The goal is to align yourself with the longings of your spirit. The goal is to say yes to what your truest self hopes to say and do in the world. The goal is to live a life of authenticity and courage, not because fear is ever absent, but because you refuse to let fear prevent you from radiating as you were created to.
With all of my love and support,
Emily
